That girl is smokin' hot. Don't dream, desire, or act on it!
Yeah, you fight a lot. That doesn't mean it's over.
THE GRASS IS GREEN WHERE YOU WATER IT--
in the front yard, back yard, and in relationships.
If you're frustrated, envious, broken, hurting, alone.. ask yourself why. And DO something about it. Don't run or hide. But do something about it, water your grass and watch your relationship flourish.
If you've been together a while then there's bound to be things you could bring up to tear the other person down. A big fight, miscommunication, being hurt, ignored, or family conflict. If they're trying to change, we've got to encourage them to do so without throwing the rocks. I know it's easier said than done because some acts or words will always be a "trump card" but if there's legitimate effort to change.. help them out!
Your spouse isn't any different... students, athletes, bosses, cashiers.. tone matters and we all know it. So we can't let that go when we are talking with our spouse. We can express hurt, anger, disappointment, etc without being rude, disrespectful and in result causing more damage.
Don't get me wrong.. I am all about my family and friends. But my mom said it perfectly to me when David and I got engaged. "Dave is your family now, you need to do what works for you two." My mom is right (more often than I'd sometimes like to admit). And I say this to myself often when calendaring, planning holidays, etc. He is my number 1, I would still do anything for those dear to me but it's US and we need to do what works for US. (Even if others don't understand or agree sometimes)
Whether it's gambling, sex, drugs, or alcohol, etc.. all things these provide temporary pleasure. Pleasure to the point you forget your problems or you forget about that ring on your finger. Regret will set in faster than you can walk out of the bar, sober up, or get your pants on. I'm not saying a trip to the casino or having a few drinks will bring you regret.. but when it's affecting your marriage, your friendships, your work.. it has become a problem.
I understand people love the bachelor and bachelorette ("reality tv" hooks yea somehow), but I have doubt about such quick "love-seeking" relationships. A happy marriage starts with a foundation of friendship. Yes, things can happen quickly. Dave and I were "friends" and dating for one year and then got engaged. But we were friends and because of that foundation we continue to still have fun together. (And on top of that.. I tend to believe they'll come into your life or the picture, right when you least expect and when you're not looking for someone)
Money is great. So is having some capital letters after your name and so are those name brand golf clubs and handbags. But those things can't love you back and they won't truly give you happiness. We need to give our spouse more attention and more love than we give the other things. Many of us work 40 + hours a week. Do we even spend half that amount of time doing quality things with our spouse? (not just sleeping) It's definitely something to think about...
I know we sometimes cringe when we see PDA especially if it's your parents or grandparents. But that should be our goal- to still be attracted to the other person and to feel a connection with that person even when we're a little wrinkly or saggy.
Dave and I are not there yet.. but we see it all around us. And it's so true! Once you are parents...your relationship matters that much more. You don't just become a mom or dad- you form a unique family. You need to be a husband or wife first to keep your family whole. Those little ones, or big ones (yes adult children too) count on you!
I've heard "too much" on a couple occasions from my mom and grandma but it must be true. I do know that my grandparents were "frisky" until a just a couple years before my grandpa passed. And talk about love! They were it! 68 years of marriage. So if that means you have to fight clean.. and have some fun in between the sheets.. well so be it!
Remember these 10 and you'll have a lifetime of "I DO"!
leave the "eh" behind
hugs,
abi
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