I miss you grandma and love you.
You heard me. Christmas kinda sucks. For me, some of my friends, family, and millions around the world.
Now the Christian, carol belting, fuzzy sock wearing girl in me cringes when I say that- so let me clarify.
It's not that Christmas and all that it is stands for sucks. The birth of sweet baby Jesus could never, ever suck. I don't even like having those words in the same sentence. Even for ChrisEaster believers it brings joy, goodness, giving, and family. The holiday season itself tends to put people in a good mood. Whether it's Michael Buble Christmas on Pandora, checking out your Zoo lights, or a night to wear an ugly sweater- the season gives us many feel good moments.
But what many forget whether we're in the hustle and bustle, whether we're just not in the "club" or just pure ignorance is that it's not all carols and bells for everyone all the time. Because this club, is not necessarily one you want to be in.
It's the cringe when you see a certain ornament, not want to make a certain dish, cry during Christmas Eve worship, the melancholy wake up on Christmas morning club. And I wish I could give back my membership.
Holidays- they remind us of what we have and what and who we've lost. I hate on Thanksgiving when someone prays because they shouldn't be. My grandpa should be saying that prayer and only him. It's just not fair how much our heart can ache at such a "happy time of year!".
This will be my third Christmas without my grandpa. And I dread it every year. This crap doesn't get easier, whoever tells you that- lied! We just get better (maybe) at covering up our hurt, or we can put off the tears an hour or two longer. Christmas was my grandpa's favorite. Mine too. No matter the day (it could be april 12th) he would know exactly how long until Christmas day (and he'd remind us all the time!). We'd fit 20 around their dinner table after opening gift after gift and before cuddling up in the family room.
So many of our Christmas traditions revolved around him and my grandma. And no one likes making new traditions. I now dread every Christmas eve service a bit. I can imagine him at the pulpit, I can hear him singing the Christmas carols, and I yearn to have him one more Christmas day.
We then go on and celebrate a new year. No one thinks about it, but many grieving, especially those beginning the grieving process don't want the new year. That means they're going on without them, leaving them behind. I so badly didn't want 2016 to arrive.
With this, I ask that you show kindness, patience, and a possess an open heart. We need to give people time and space. We all heal differently, but I'm not sure we can all truly find healing for the hurt of the holidays. Let's not judge someone's tear, let's not be nosy for our own gain, let's give people a minute away from the hustle and bustle, and let's hold our loved ones tight.
leave the eh behind,
And may the joy and peace of Christ be with you and your family throughout the Christmas season
(most of all- don't be afraid to cry, I know I will)
abi
