10 GO-TOs for a lifetime of I DO's

So that couple seems OH SO HAPPY!  Don't be envious. 

That girl is smokin' hot. Don't dream, desire, or act on it!

Yeah, you fight a lot. That doesn't mean it's over. 

THE GRASS IS GREEN WHERE YOU WATER IT--

in the front yard, back yard, and in relationships. 

If you're frustrated, envious, broken, hurting, alone.. ask yourself why. And DO something about it.  Don't run or hide.  But do something about it, water your grass and watch your relationship flourish.   

If you've been together a while then there's bound to be things you could bring up to tear the other person down.  A big fight, miscommunication, being hurt, ignored, or family conflict.  If they're trying to change, we've got to encourage them to do so without throwing the rocks.   I know it's easier said than done because some acts or words will always be a "trump card" but if there's legitimate effort to change.. help them out!

Your spouse isn't any different... students, athletes, bosses, cashiers.. tone matters and we all know it.  So we can't let that go when we are talking with our spouse.  We can express hurt, anger, disappointment, etc without being rude, disrespectful and in result causing more damage. 

 

Don't get me wrong.. I am all about my family and friends.  But my mom said it perfectly to me when David and I got engaged.  "Dave is your family now, you need to do what works for you two."  My mom is right (more often than I'd sometimes like to admit).  And I say this to myself often when calendaring, planning holidays, etc.  He is my number 1, I would still do anything for those dear to me but it's US and we need to do what works for US. (Even if others don't understand or agree sometimes)

Whether it's gambling, sex, drugs, or alcohol, etc.. all things these provide temporary pleasure.  Pleasure to the point you forget your problems or you forget about that ring on your finger.  Regret will set in faster than you can walk out of the bar, sober up, or get your pants on.  I'm not saying a trip to the casino or having a few drinks will bring you regret.. but when it's affecting your marriage, your friendships, your work.. it has become a problem.

I understand people love the bachelor and bachelorette ("reality tv" hooks yea somehow), but I have doubt about such quick "love-seeking" relationships.  A happy marriage starts with a foundation of friendship.  Yes, things can happen quickly.  Dave and I were "friends" and dating for one year and then got engaged.  But we were friends and because of that foundation we continue to still have fun together.  (And on top of that.. I tend to believe they'll come into your life or the picture, right when you least expect and when you're not looking for someone)

Money is great.  So is having some capital letters after your name and so are those name brand golf clubs and handbags.  But those things can't love you back and they won't truly give you happiness.  We need to give our spouse more attention and more love than we give the other things.  Many of us work 40 + hours a week.  Do we even spend half that amount of time doing quality things with our spouse?  (not just sleeping) It's definitely something to think about... 

I know we sometimes cringe when we see PDA especially if it's your parents or grandparents.  But that should be our goal- to still be attracted to the other person and to feel a connection with that person even when we're a little wrinkly or saggy.

Dave and I are not there yet.. but we see it all around us.  And it's so true!  Once you are parents...your relationship matters that much more.  You don't just become a mom or dad- you form a unique family.  You need to be a husband or wife first to keep your family whole.  Those little ones, or big ones (yes adult children too) count on you!

I've heard "too much" on a couple occasions from my mom and grandma but it must be true.  I do know that my grandparents were "frisky" until a just a couple years before my grandpa passed.  And talk about love!  They were it!  68 years of marriage.  So if that means you have to fight clean.. and have some fun in between the sheets.. well so be it!

Remember these 10 and you'll have a lifetime of "I DO"!

leave the "eh" behind

hugs,

abi

The letter that changed my marriage

When David and I were engaged we decided we wanted to make a "first fight box".  What a cute idea right?!? The concept was to have a cute box under the coffee table, bed, wherever, with a bottle of wine and 2 letters.  Well the cute box didn't quite happen. (life... whoops.) That nor our wedding scrapbook has been completed. 

But there are 2 handwritten letters in sealed envelopes on my memo board.  They were written the week before the wedding and they haven't been opened yet.

I partially attribute these letters with our successful and smooth marriage thus far.  Yes, we have tiffs and disagreements. (duh, we all do)  Or we get upset because we forget the other person can't read our mind all the time. (aka normally a minor communication error)  But when these things happen.. it's amazing because I start to think about those envelopes.  We don't avoid them because we want to "have not opened our first fight letters". (big pat on the back, nahhh)  But I think about the letters and then I realize.. what we're arguing over is not that big of a deal.  In the end.. those little tiffs, just don't matter.


Yes, there are some things we have to work through.  But when I think about the letters.. I realize I don't need a piece of paper to remind me he loves me, and that it'll be okay.  I know that it will.  When we stood up there in front of God, our family, and our friends- I know we made a lifetime commitment to each other.

So whether you're engaged, going to be soon, or happily married... I encourage you to write letters for a "first fight" or "fight" box.  I think having it causes us to rethink the situation.  I've never thought.. "Man I need to open that letter"... "I need reassurance that we are going to make it through this".
I know some situations are more serious than others but I think the average couple just needs to pause, take a deep breath, close our mouths, and look at the big picture.

The big picture that- the person there loves you. They love you more today than they did yesterday, they are still there with you and want to work things out with you, and you're with them for a reason, right?! The big picture-- that the dinner you're arguing over, weekend plans, or miscommunication is not the end of the world, nor a mountain in your marriage.

leave the "eh" behind

hugs,

abi

10 things college teaches you

As I see many people in caps and gowns right now I can't help but reflect on what college taught me. And no it wasn't worth the $100,000 plus that went towards your college education

1.  It's all about who you know. 

• But seriously, if you want your classes changed after the drop date, you want a fresh pan out of the potatoes, you need an extra shot in your coffee, or you need to land that interview- it's all about who you know.  And that's not only the case in college, but also very much in the real world.  You learn to build bridges, not burn them. 

2.  Parking is precious and a science  

• Do NOT offer to drive.  Parking is scarce in college life whether you go to a small private college or a large public university.  It never ends- college, gyms, restaurants, and even on your home street after college.  You have to catch on to the science of when there will be available spots or you'll be that person with a 2 mile hike back to their dorm or house.  

3.  Budgeting  

• Maybe not immediately, since most college students end up crawling back home asking for some money but soon enough it is realized you have to set enough money aside, or only go to chipotle twice a week so that you can get the XL bottle of Moscato or that case of Nati Light for Saturday night. 

4. Swipes are a gift from God

• Now that I'm outside of the college realm I now understand why my dad was so frustrated when I had over 70 leftover swipes left one year.  Holy cow!  Food is expensive, so screw it.  Gain the freshmen 15, you're gonna wish you had those swipes at the age of 25 (when you literally run down the hall to any free food in the break room).  And you have a free gym (that's not the case in the "real world") So eat and work your butt off!

5.  How much your parents love you and how much you love them 

• Between missing home cooked food, your laundry getting thrown in, or just having your parents there physically you realize how much you love them and miss them.  I know I wasn't the only one that cried while pulling out of my parents' driveway to head back to school (on multiple occasions).  And at the same time you realize how much they love you- between random visits, going to games both home and away, care packages, or just a check-in email.  

6.  Sleep is precious  

• You'll learn quickly sleep is oh-so precious and that you need to live with people you are sleep compatible with.  If you can't stand your roommates' snoring, their morning exercises, or that they hit snooze 15 times every morning while you sleep.. you might become a nap addict.  You will do dumb things.. like take an 11 minute nap before class, or set your alarm 7 minutes later because you're not going to get coffee.  Get as much sleep as you can, because the real world is not full of ample sleep or naps.  

7.  Netflix and Hulu are the real MVPs  

• We all learned how to study while watching or scarf down Chinese while watching, or even how to squeeze in an episode perfectly between classes.  And of course, we all learned at college the true beauty of binge watching.  If it wasn't for sophomore year I'm not sure I ever would've been able to watch every single episode of Law and Order SVU.  

8.  The bookstore is the biggest money maker

• Get your paraphernalia, alumni gear, and books somewhere else because those bookstores are robbin' ya blind! You learn quickly that used books or sharing a book is the way to go.  And if you went to a large college then local stores probably sell spirit wear for much cheaper.  As if tuition wasn't enough, just give the school an arm, leg, and an ear.  

9.  There will always be people that don't try, but succeed

• As people that put effort into the things we do, there are always those that didn't study, cheated, didn't attend meetings, doesn't eat right, isn't kind, etc but they succeed.  I wish that ended in college, but unfortunately you learn that it's not the case; things are still handed to people for whatever reason.  

10. You learn how to improvise   

• Whether you're missing an ingredient, no milk, lost your book, car won't start, or you have to come up with an outfit for a themed party- college will bring out the creative side in you that embraces improv.  And thank God!

And.. lastly, we learn who our friends are.  Who will come get us after we've been ditched at the bar... Who is always up for a Graeter's or Orange Leaf run...  Who will help you cram for your big final, will go on shopping adventures whether G rated or not, will go for a run so you can indulge friday night, who will go to breakfast with you still in your pajamas, who will have another drink with you, who will listen to you whine about your family, and who will celebrate with you when you land the job.. 

Yeah, that could all be one friend, could be your best friends, or could be describing everyone you knew in college.  But either way.. we learned who these people are and college would not be the same without them.   

leave the "eh" behind

hugs,

abi